Change in surgery date :/

I went to the doctors to get an MRI yesterday. They had to inject me with radioactive dye to see the tumor better in the pictures. They got half of the the dye in when my vein blew and I got the dye under my skin which burned terribly. One hour and three nurses later they finally found another vein. It was not fun. They called back with the results that night and said that we have to postpone my surgery because they want more tests! I was not happy to hear that. I had just been telling my sister how it has not been helpful with my anxiety to have everything changing all the time; one minute it's this type of cancer and the next minute its another. I want some sort of constant! Thank you Lord that you never change!! So I have a PET scan scheduled for this Friday which I have to get more dye injections! UGH!! Im sick of feeling like a lab rat! Yesterday was very exhausting on every level! However, at the end of the day I had a Farewell Party for my kidney which was so fun! We played pin the kidney on kate and apples to apples. It was a blast! I meant to post an invite for anyone who wanted to come but that ended up being a fail! Sorry :/ Anyway, the bottom line is that my surgery is being rescheduled for sometime next week but we don't know the exact date. Im hoping early in the week!
Prayer requests:
1) The PET scan goes smoothly (minimal pain)
2) Surgery gets rescheduled for early in the week
3) God has a hand on my anxiety
4) School- probably going back to school tomorrow all day and could possibly be overwhelming
5) God reveals meaningful scripture to me
Thanks for your prayers! Much love!

IM BACK!

Well I'm finally back! Wow what an amazing trip! I have probably 30 pages of my journal filled with all the stories from my trip! Unfortunately I don't have the time or energy to share it all but I had an incredible time and it was extremely therapeutic to go on a retreat with God and serve others.
Now I have quite the week ahead of me! There is a LOT I wanna get done before my surgery because I can't really get anything done for the next 2 weeks :/ I am going to need lots of prayer for anxiety this week and for the surgery and its preparations. Also be praying that I can get everything done before thursday! My surgery is this Thursday, the 25th at 1:30pm! I am meeting with the Anaesthesiologist (wow big word) this week to get my blood drawn and stuff- which is probably my very least favorite thing to do in the whole entire world! uuugh! Here we go! haha

IM HERE!

IM HERE! So crazy!!! We have been painting basically everything that isn't living in the camp that we're staying in! we are practically in the middle of the jungle which has been so fun to explore! God is good! I am so thankful that I am in Belize right now! There has already been some awesome bonding in my class already! I know that Lord has something really special in store for me on this trip! He has already blessed me with Marianne, who is our cook and helps run the camp we're in. She is a breast cancer survivor and she loves to bake and decorate cakes just like me! I can't help but smile at how God just plops the perfect people in our lives in his absolutly perfect timing! The summary for day one in Belize is God is so incredibly good to me! Waaay more than I deserve! Keep praying for me... still got another 5 days ahead of me!

ya betta BELIZE it!!!

Wow I can't believe I'm leaving tomorrow! That is insane!!!! I have to be at the airport at 8am! I am so unbelievably excited for this trip I can't even put it into words! However, even with all this excitement I am still a little nervous! Not exactly sure how to pin point what I'm actually nervous about but I guess this is just a big step during this journey. Things to pray for.......

1) That God's hand would protect me physically, emotionally, and spiritually during the trip
2) That I would have countless opportunities to share the good news of Jesus Christ
3) That I would feel God's presence everywhere I went
4) That the enemy would not get a hold of me with anxiety or fear
5) That my family will truly be able to breathe and relax on their vacation to St. Thomas (BIG PRAYER REQUEST)
6) That my senior class and I could all come together on this trip as a body of believers

Thank you so much for all your prayers! I know I have been saying that countless times in the past week but I am sincerely grateful!
I will return from my trip Sunday, the 21st, late at night! Not exactly sure how I'm going to keep up with my blog in the next week while I'm gone but I might even journal out some stuff that my sister could post! We'll see! Have an awesome spring break!

The Story

This is a reflection of the last week of my life (march 4th- march 9th)...

(day 1)

I had medical tests done today and wasn't expecting any exciting news back. I had cheered tonight at our basketball sub-state and had a two hour drive home from Horton, Kansas!! When we got in the car my dad told me that the doctors had called back and we needed to talk. I got butterflies in my stomach. That is when he told me they had found a tumor in my left kidney. I didn't say a word as tears started to brim and quickly spilled over like a spring. My dad's voice cracked as he told me that we were going to get through this. It was the longest two hours of my life. All I could do was stare blankly out the window and try to sort out this nightmare in my mind. Then in the midst of my deepest sorrow the Lord reminded me that the most important thing in life is my relationship with Christ. Nothing else will last but Him. More than ever, it is clear that my purpose is to make Him known.

(day 2)

This one was a doozie... we were referred to an oncologist to get more information about the tumor. The doctor showed me the pictures of my CAT scans that showed the tumor. It was contained to my kidney (very good news) but it had taken up half of it! Then the doctor took me back to a room with my family where he proceeded to tell us that the tumor looked cancerous and that I would have to get my kidney removed! I tried to restrain from crying. I couldn't look at my parents. After telling an 18 year old girl that she has cancer, apparently the young doctor thought it necessary to tell me all the fatal things that could happen to me during surgery. Needless to say, we decided to get a second opinion. Two really well respected surgeons are looking at me: Dr. Brad Davis, who went to high school with my parents, and Dr. Ed Dakil, who's son is Dalton's bff from kamp and he also did Joe White's surgery (he's in oklahoma city). That night we had another sub state basketball game that I cheered at! I decided I wanted to live life as normally as I could even if it was just going through the motions. It was a day to believe in the sovereignty of God.

(day 3)

At this point the doctors still hadn't determined if I could go on my Senior Mission Trip to Belize! I have been anticipating this trip since my sophomore year. They didn't know how fast my tumor was growing so we didn't know how fast we needed to have surgery. We had scheduled a meeting for Monday with surgeon, Dr. Davis, who was highly recommended by several professionals. Tonight was the last sub state game which determined if we were going to state (aka a week off of school before spring break- boo yah)! The game was neck and neck the whole time and all I could think was, THERE IS TOO MUCH STRESS IN MY LIFE!!! haha! We ended winning the game and everyone went NUTS! so good! I was sooo excited but obviously couldn't enjoy the victory as much as I would have liked too :/ I decided that night I was going to start telling some of my closest friends the news the next day. With the anxiety of not knowing if I was going on my missions trip, I knew that no matter what, the Lord was my Provider and He would provide me abundant opportunities to share the good news of Jesus Christ.

(day 4)

I woke up this morning and journaled and got in the word! I sent out a mass text to all my closest friends to meet at my house at noon. I told them all and it went well. Then we had a mission trip meeting at 2 where I had the opportunity to tell my senior class the news. "Coincidentally" tonight was the kick off for the first Nile (a student led youth group that I had been coordinating all year). I was scheduled to speak that night to talk about our mission for the Nile and the passion behind it. I honestly barely knew what I was going to say before I got up there but I just kept saying that I was leaving more room for the Holy Spirit to speak! I talked about the symbolism of the Nile and how it is the only river that runs the opposite direction of all the other river in the world. As believers we are not called to just stand still while everyone is going one direction (don't smoke, don't drink, "be kind", etc), but we are called to be running the opposite direction. I shared my testimony of the past three days and said that it is NO coincidence that one of the head coordinators found out that she has cancer three days before the first Nile!! The enemy is attacking because he knows that something unimaginable is going to happen in the name of Jesus Christ and people are going to be brought to their knees at the foot of the cross! I firmly believe this! God is never surprised! Everything is intentional and happens for a reason! Raise Him and Praise Him that He knows what He's doin!!!

(day 5)

Today was a rough day in school! The teachers don't know yet so they are unaware that I am paralyzed in the classroom. Anxiety started to well up but then I was quickly reminded that Philippians says I don't have to be anxious about anything... ANYTHING!!! That is so significant. It doesn't say, "Don't be anxious about anything- well unless you have cancer, then you're soiled!!!" NO! My God has this all more than under control! What a gift! After school I had my appointment with Dr. Davis! The minute he walked in I knew I wanted him as my surgeon. The first thing he did when he came in was put his arm around me and ask me how I was holding up. He completely put me at ease and everything he said was good news:

1) I COULD GO TO BELIZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2) I would only have one 3-4 inch scar!

3) The surgery is @ St. Lukes South (5 minutes from my house)

4) Date of surgery is March 25th ( the thursday after i get back from belize)

5) I looooved Dr. Davis

After the appt. Mom, Megan, and I went out to dinner to celebrate! The Lord truly showed up today! Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart!

(day 6)

Today the frustrations began. By the end of the school day everything had been announced to everyone so no one was in the dark anymore. I was expecting people to understand why I wouldn't be able to perform my usual load of responsibilities but that wasn't the case. Some people's expectations of me didn't seem to change at all. I was perplexed! However I do understand that it is hard for some people to know how to respond to these devastations. On the other hand, Joe White called me today and I got to talk to him for a while! Wow! If that doesn't make your day I don't know what can :) Tonight a bunch of my friend's parents came to my house to pray for me. It was absolutely incredible. I have never felt the presence of God so heavily! In the midst of devastation the Lord is always raining down little kisses!