I had medical tests done today and wasn't expecting any exciting news back. I had cheered tonight at our basketball sub-state and had a two hour drive home from Horton, Kansas!! When we got in the car my dad told me that the doctors had called back and we needed to talk. I got butterflies in my stomach. That is when he told me they had found a tumor in my left kidney. I didn't say a word as tears started to brim and quickly spilled over like a spring. My dad's voice cracked as he told me that we were going to get through this. It was the longest two hours of my life. All I could do was stare blankly out the window and try to sort out this nightmare in my mind. Then in the midst of my deepest sorrow the Lord reminded me that the most important thing in life is my relationship with Christ. Nothing else will last but Him. More than ever, it is clear that my purpose is to make Him known.
This one was a doozie... we were referred to an oncologist to get more information about the tumor. The doctor showed me the pictures of my CAT scans that showed the tumor. It was contained to my kidney (very good news) but it had taken up half of it! Then the doctor took me back to a room with my family where he proceeded to tell us that the tumor looked cancerous and that I would have to get my kidney removed! I tried to restrain from crying. I couldn't look at my parents. After telling an 18 year old girl that she has cancer, apparently the young doctor thought it necessary to tell me all the fatal things that could happen to me during surgery. Needless to say, we decided to get a second opinion. Two really well respected surgeons are looking at me: Dr. Brad Davis, who went to high school with my parents, and Dr. Ed Dakil, who's son is Dalton's bff from kamp and he also did Joe White's surgery (he's in oklahoma city). That night we had another sub state basketball game that I cheered at! I decided I wanted to live life as normally as I could even if it was just going through the motions. It was a day to believe in the sovereignty of God.
At this point the doctors still hadn't determined if I could go on my Senior Mission Trip to Belize! I have been anticipating this trip since my sophomore year. They didn't know how fast my tumor was growing so we didn't know how fast we needed to have surgery. We had scheduled a meeting for Monday with surgeon, Dr. Davis, who was highly recommended by several professionals. Tonight was the last sub state game which determined if we were going to state (aka a week off of school before spring break- boo yah)! The game was neck and neck the whole time and all I could think was, THERE IS TOO MUCH STRESS IN MY LIFE!!! haha! We ended winning the game and everyone went NUTS! so good! I was sooo excited but obviously couldn't enjoy the victory as much as I would have liked too :/ I decided that night I was going to start telling some of my closest friends the news the next day. With the anxiety of not knowing if I was going on my missions trip, I knew that no matter what, the Lord was my Provider and He would provide me abundant opportunities to share the good news of Jesus Christ.
I woke up this morning and journaled and got in the word! I sent out a mass text to all my closest friends to meet at my house at noon. I told them all and it went well. Then we had a mission trip meeting at 2 where I had the opportunity to tell my senior class the news. "Coincidentally" tonight was the kick off for the first Nile (a student led youth group that I had been coordinating all year). I was scheduled to speak that night to talk about our mission for the Nile and the passion behind it. I honestly barely knew what I was going to say before I got up there but I just kept saying that I was leaving more room for the Holy Spirit to speak! I talked about the symbolism of the Nile and how it is the only river that runs the opposite direction of all the other river in the world. As believers we are not called to just stand still while everyone is going one direction (don't smoke, don't drink, "be kind", etc), but we are called to be running the opposite direction. I shared my testimony of the past three days and said that it is NO coincidence that one of the head coordinators found out that she has cancer three days before the first Nile!! The enemy is attacking because he knows that something unimaginable is going to happen in the name of Jesus Christ and people are going to be brought to their knees at the foot of the cross! I firmly believe this! God is never surprised! Everything is intentional and happens for a reason! Raise Him and Praise Him that He knows what He's doin!!!
Today was a rough day in school! The teachers don't know yet so they are unaware that I am paralyzed in the classroom. Anxiety started to well up but then I was quickly reminded that Philippians says I don't have to be anxious about anything... ANYTHING!!! That is so significant. It doesn't say, "Don't be anxious about anything- well unless you have cancer, then you're soiled!!!" NO! My God has this all more than under control! What a gift! After school I had my appointment with Dr. Davis! The minute he walked in I knew I wanted him as my surgeon. The first thing he did when he came in was put his arm around me and ask me how I was holding up. He completely put me at ease and everything he said was good news:
1) I COULD GO TO BELIZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2) I would only have one 3-4 inch scar!
3) The surgery is @ St. Lukes South (5 minutes from my house)
4) Date of surgery is March 25th ( the thursday after i get back from belize)
5) I looooved Dr. Davis
After the appt. Mom, Megan, and I went out to dinner to celebrate! The Lord truly showed up today! Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart!
Today the frustrations began. By the end of the school day everything had been announced to everyone so no one was in the dark anymore. I was expecting people to understand why I wouldn't be able to perform my usual load of responsibilities but that wasn't the case. Some people's expectations of me didn't seem to change at all. I was perplexed! However I do understand that it is hard for some people to know how to respond to these devastations. On the other hand, Joe White called me today and I got to talk to him for a while! Wow! If that doesn't make your day I don't know what can :) Tonight a bunch of my friend's parents came to my house to pray for me. It was absolutely incredible. I have never felt the presence of God so heavily! In the midst of devastation the Lord is always raining down little kisses!